Perhaps you’re interested in exchanging sexts to stay connected to a long-distance partner? Or trying to decide the most flattering webcam angle for a first date? Is perfecting your sultry phone-sex voice making you feel decidedly unaroused? Trust us; you aren’t the only one experiencing an awkward learning curve when it comes to cybersex.
This is an ideal time to leverage the power of technology to bring erotic energy into your life. Whether it’s igniting a spark with your new crush or feeding the flame with a distant lover, it’s worth learning how to maintain intimacy in a digital world.
Before we get into the 1’s and 0’s on binary-code augmented eroticism, it bears repeating the ultimate rule of sex. Consent matters. Always.
When communicating via text or phone, it can be difficult to assess the other person’s energy. Being separated by a screen can remove many of the body language cues we depend on. This makes it more important than ever to speak directly about sex and pleasure. Use all of your words. The bonus is you get to be explicit!
For those who have struggled in the past to discuss fantasies or kinks with partners, you may find that it’s actually easier to share via writing or even on the phone. Listen to your partner’s boundaries and desires, and ask clarifying questions. Take your time, organize your thoughts, and be honest about what you want.
The Sextual Revolution
The telephone is one of those quirky pieces of technology that’s evolved substantially from its single-function beginnings. Smartphones beg the question: "Who even calls anymore, when you can text?" But the reality is that your phone is a gateway to all sorts of dirty connections. If words are your love language, sexting can be an explosively hot experience, while good old-fashioned voice-calls are having their own retro moment.
Great writers aim to “show, don’t tell” the experience to their audience. For phone sex and sexting the opposite is true. Here, the telling is everything. This isn’t a time to skip the play-by-play; describe every dripping wet element in glorious detail.
If you’re connecting with a new sexual partner, use this time to discover your sexual compatibility and their attentiveness as a lover. If someone is invested in your orgasms from afar, there’s a high chance they will be just as invested when you finally end up in the same bed.
Follow My Voice
Phone sex is the sweet spot between sexting and video chat. You aren’t typing, or even looking at a screen, which means you can close your eyes and give your full imagination over to the encounter. Plus, this means your fingers will be free for other *ahem* more pressing duties.
One of the advantageous aspects of phone sex is that you’re not on camera. Don’t get us wrong; seeing the glint in your partner’s eye when they’re on the brink of orgasm is sublime. But being on-screen brings a degree of self-aware performance that can melt away when it’s only your voice on the line. No worries about lighting, camera angles, or that face you make six seconds before you come (although that face is hot).
Use this as an opportunity to introduce your sex toy collection, or meet your partner’s favorite accoutrements. The Lelo Siri 2 is a phenomenal vibrator that responds to ambient sounds in the room. This could be the sound of your lover’s voice, which is an exceptionally hot way to let them tease you. The Lelo also responds to music, so build a playlist that makes you feel sexy, and let the rhythm take control!
Smile, You’re On Camera
Whether by phone or webcam, most of us have access to the technology needed to shoot or star in a scandalous home video. Pro tip: do a technology test run on your setup before you have a date scheduled. Finding out that your microphone doesn’t work isn’t great foreplay. Think about what’s visible in your room, collect anything you need ahead of time to keep within arm’s reach, and lock your door. Nothing kills lady-boners faster than learning you have horrible boundaries with your housemates.
We like boob pics as much as the next lesbian, but it’s worth keeping in mind that *anything* you send to a partner is no longer under your control once you hit send. A NSFW picture can sit on a hard drive for years before resurfacing, so think before you click. Of course, show respectful reciprocity with the sexts you receive as well. Trust is essential here, and you should trust your instincts above all.
Those details aside, cam away! Seeing is believing (and lusting). During this time of transition, we encourage you to lean into the power of asking for what you want. How do you want your partner to touch herself? Perhaps an even better question is, how does she want to be touched? There is much to learn from watching someone get themselves off. Likewise, if you’ve ever found yourself at a loss for words when describing your own path to pleasure, let your fingers (or favorite vibrator) describe the exact moves and rhythm for your partner. If you don’t have a toy that sparks joy for you, our bestsellers list is a great place to start.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but we think it’s what you do to stay connected while apart that really strengthens the sexual tension. Stay home, get online, and get off!